So I always wanted a third child. Looks like that’s probably not in the cards, although technically it isn’t impossible… but anyhow in light of recent events I think I am owed a birth announcement.

Therefore, tonight I write to welcome with joy… our new twins.

I haven’t named them yet. It’s just too soon to tell. They are so young, so new, so… covered with tape. I figure it would be wrong to pick names before I get a proper peek at the goods. That day shall soon come. On February 14 we will go for their unveiling. Maybe Cupid will shoot me right in the ass at that time and two wonderful, catchy, witty names will pop into my head. Until then let’s call them Jane and Marjorie Doe.

First impressions are good. They seem well-behaved, rather soft and pleasant. A more pleasing slope. Less fembot more female. And I swear about an hour ago when I bounded down the stairs I felt an ever so slight bounce in the pectoral region.

My mother flew over for the birth and then got stuck here because of the superstorm that dumped over three feet of snow on her hometown in Connecticut. But that was nice because then she just got to spend more time with me and my girls and of course with the newborns.

Waking up after being out for two hours with different body parts is a strange experience. I guess anyone who has had reconstructive or cosmetic surgery knows the drill. But when I look back over the year I have had a lot of different looks (and not just in the pectoral region but certainly there). It’s weird because I have gotten used to each look and now I really cannot remember very well what my original “twins” looked like or felt like. Not really.

Sorry girls, but you’ve been replaced — and oh yes I forgot to add that they are indeed identical. Sometimes surgeons use fraternal twins but mine definitely share the same DNA, so to speak (I asked).

I know it’s customary to enclose, or in this case, attach a photo of the babies in a birth announcement. But I don’t want to get kicked off Facebook for inappropriate content and considering the amount of tape on Jane and Marjorie at the moment it wouldn’t really be a very good picture. It’s better to use your imagination anyway. (Let’s face it, 99% of the time with this subject matter the imagination is better than reality because we don’t all look like the girls in FHM).

I’ll tell you what, I’ll take a picture of them with their clothes on when things have settled down a little. And I’ll attach it to a later post. Maybe I can do a redux on my earlier post, entitled Boob Retrospective, and go through the last year of transformations leading to this ultimate step.

Well I have to go now because the girls are tired and it’s their bedtime. I forgot how much work newborns can be. At least these two only get me up a couple times a night so far and they don’t seem to eat much. It’s nice they can sleep in my bed but it will be nicer when I don’t fear rolling over on one of them and injuring her. Should be a-ok in a few days.

Sweet dreams.