It has occurred to me that at some point I may get writer’s block. In fact, it is almost a sure thing. How could I not at some point struggle with what to write on this blog or how to write it?
I was thinking about that yesterday. Then I considered that, provided I stay on schedule, only one month from today I will receive my last chemotherapy treatment. After which I will have five weeks of radiation, five days a week, which should prove anticlimactic comparatively (from what I have heard). More on that later.
I thought, dang, what if I have nothing interesting to write after chemo is over? No more interesting chemo ensembles (see What I Wore To Chemo Today)… No more entertaining other patients in the chemo suite with my antics and bad behaviour (oh I forgot to tell you that the last time I was there this one dude kept coming up to me and telling me he was really feeling my outfit and he was there with his wife, who was the patient! Shameless!)… No more bizarre, unexpected “side effects of the week” (more on that later too)…
I mean, every time I gear up for and go to chemo I am inspired to write something. There is a ton about it I haven’t even told you yet and I still have three treatments left. It’s just excellent fodder for the blog. So it will be a real shame when it is all over. Not. Chemo sucks. But I won’t be too hard on it since it is killing the hell out of anything floating around in there that doesn’t belong.
I suppose when I do radiation I can still yell “die, motherfuckers,” and imagine my heroines (see Chicks I Dig Vol. 1) going in there with their signature weapons and obliterating any microscopic cells that dare to remain near the original site of the tumours. (That and cross my fingers that the radiation doesn’t burn my skin too badly and otherwise complicate the final stages of my reconstruction, because in the end I would really like a nice “set” out of all of this nonsense.)
I just don’t want my posts to become boring. Or predictable.
When my hair grows back I won’t be able to write about being bald anymore and all of the interesting things that go with that particular side effect. Or take anymore badass “I’m bald and I’m killing it” pictures. But I suppose I will have been there and done that, so maybe that’s not the worst thing. I mean how many times can I take a picture of my bald self looking pissed off and post it and think “I really like what I’ve done here.” (A lot actually — you should try it sometime it is pretty great.)
Who knows where all this will take me. I just hope that you’ll continue to tag along. I need you. I want you. I have to have you.
Speaking of which where are you right now? Are you in the US or the UK? Kenya or Kuwait? Why do you read this? Do you know me? Did you once? Is or was someone in your life touched by cancer? Are you a survivor? Are you just curious? Tell me… I’ll be right here. Killing it.
Emily,
I’m reading your blog for three reasons. 1. I miss seeing you at the CSC every day. 2. My mother had breast cancer and kept it all very quiet, sort of. Actually, she freaked out every friggin day, but we had no idea why. Your blog sheds a little light on things. 3. I’m going through a hell of a time in my life right now, and channelling your “killer attitude” is really helping. Hope you don’t mind…
Mind? R u kidding? I love that u r with me. Miss u. xxoo
P.S. Charlotte read a good deal of Purpliclious to me last night. You would be so proud of her. She is blossoming.
You keep right on writing! Your have a natural talent for it, and your work would be a Godsend to people with cancer. And even after you’re cured– the Universe will send you something else to write about! xoxox
Em: I recently met Lane E. in NH, who remembers you and your mom from when you were at Foote, and says the two of you were “really strong characters, always ready to DO something.” I guess things don’t change much over 20 or 30 years.
Cool. I remember Lane she is a very nice spunky lady. Tell her I said hi if you see her again. xx
HI Emily,
I am Joanne O’Connor’s lithe sister. We met in Wellesley several years back. I am in Newport, RI. I love your blog. My sister and I read it together the first week you started ( I was visiting in FLA. with my 2 girls who are almost the same age as yours – maybe a hitch younger). You are killing it and rocking’ it at the same time which is what I love. So REAL. An amazing attitude with some sas and doubt mixed in with that amazing and might I add kind of nerdy legal mind.
Stay Strong. I can’t imagine it is all that easy in dreary, rainy, overcast London but I suppose you will be very appreciate of that when the radiation kicks in and you can’t stand the sun on your skin.
Keep writing.
XO
I assume u meant little although you may also be lithe LOL. Great to hear from you and see that you are reading. Of course once I start radiation it will no doubt sky rocket into high temperatures here due to Murphy’s Law. But that will generate plenty of blog fodder… xx
You know, I was worried about continuing to come up with things to talk about with my blog, too. But surprisingly, transitioning into post-treatment blogging has been surprisingly easy. There are still side-effects. There are still emotions. And the things I went through completely changed my life, who I am, and what I have to say. I blogged for YEARS before we started the cancer blog. And like MAYBE 5 people (not including my mum) read those things. Now I feel like I’ve found my groove, my audience, my voice. You DEFINITELY have yours! Don’t worry about what to say. There is always something. And when there’s not, no one judges you.
Your blog thus fare is amazing and inspiring. Because of who you are and how you have chosen to deal with what is happening in your life. Just keep doing your thing, lady! <3
Xxo, Phoebe
Hi Emily:
It is Suzanne, Kate’s sister in law. I have been following your blog for awhile now and am eager for each new post. Though we’ve been at many a gathering together, I feel like I’m getting to know you through your blog and I think you’re fab-u-lous. Keep on killing it!
hi suzanne! thank you. xxx
ummmm….if you have block and need a topic…I will tell you about some of my dating adventures and you can write about them….not QUITE as bad as cancer….but in some cases, close….and although the night may not have been, the resultant stories are quite amusing!
doooooo tell……
Hi Emily,
I’m a friend of the recently posted Karen O’Connor Cadwalader and Joanne whom I met a looong time ago on a Rotary exchange (I’m from Guildford, Surrey). Karen has pointed me towards your blog. I love your kick ass attitude. I’m having a double mastectomy and reconstruction in 2 and a half weeks and hopefully will need no further treatment. I am so lucky it’s been caught as early as it has been due to the family history programme at the Royal Surrey County Hospital. I will be popping back every couple of days to see how things are going. Louisa
Louisa wonderful to connect with you. Please do not hesitate to get in touch with me if you want to talk about anything at all relating to your surgery or beyond. I found it very helpful to talk to people who had been through it as I was going through things. Although everyone has a unique experience, of course. I will send you my email address and phone numbers and please do not hesitate for a nanosecond to get in touch with me.
Thank you Emily.
i read bc i love you’re writing! (and just to keep abreast… hehe) – ada
hahaha!!!!
laughing at “abreast…..”
hahaha!!!
….not laughing at the “you’re”….we all understood what you meant!! LOL!!!
sorry, “your” writing. so upsetting.
unacceptable ada lol
i’m phoning hls as we speak…
As long as you are writing, I’m reading. And passing it along.
This is Nerine – Lib’s friend. This is a great blog – I hope you continue writing long after you kill it. All the best to you and the family!
Hi Emily! I’m reading bc you’re a great writer. And bc my best friend went through breast cancer 2 years ago. At the age of 31 with a 2 yr old. And a husband who left her the day after her first surgery. But she moved on and she beat it and so will you and in the meantime (and hopefully beyond), we get to read a wonderfully hilarious writer. My son Ozzy was in Charlotte’s class at the CSC.