No, this is not a post about my long-lost lesbian loves. Hate to disappoint. (If you don’t get that joke read May 1st’s post — it’s a shorty — entitled Spam spam spam spam….) Rather, it’s about the famous female characters who have inspired me over the years and why I dig them.

It’s almost like someone out there knew that I would need serious inspiration of the female persuasion later in life, so they started to stack the deck for me when I was but a tender age.

No. 1: Wonder Woman

Come on, WW = hot! She has a great rack… and that outfit! To die for. I love that she could look so badass but at the same time still manage to have a slightly vulnerable expression on her face (while kicking your butt). If I encountered this (or I should say these) in an ally I would just surrender my weapon and bow down. She may not have been a killing machine per se but she was definitely killing it. Go Linda.

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When I was five I had a Wonder Woman bathing suit. I wore it around the house (and at other people’s houses) at all times, refusing to take it off. Of course, I was a kid with legs the diameter of pencils, stringy brown hair and buck teeth, so perhaps slightly less badass in my ensemble. But still, I thought I was the shit. By the time I outgrew that bathing suit, the thing was so faded it looked as though it had been left out in the desert for a year.

No. 2: Beatrix Kiddo in Kill Bill Vols. 1 and 2

My favourite killer of all time. I mean, she’s killing it (or preparing to kill it) for practically the entire thing, totally righteous and smokin’ hot in every gripping minute. Even after she is buried alive and emerges, mad as hell and covered in dirt from head to toe, and walks to that diner to ask for a glass of water, she looks wicked pisser (that’s South Boston for super fine).

I’m gonna have to get me a yellow track suit for one of my chemos… Alas, so many fashion ideas and so few treatments left. I also need to book a flight to Japan and commission a Hattori Hanzo samurai sword in case anyone even thinks about messing with me. You can’t lose with Uma. She’s a first-class assassin.

No. 3: Katniss Everdeen in The Hunger Games

Now before you get all excited there will be no picture here because I have deliberately not seen the movie yet. I have read only the first book and do not want images of actors colouring my perceptions while I finish the trilogy. So this heroine for me is as she exists in my own imagination.

I picture her with bow and arrow drawn, dark lustrous hair pleated down her back, tan skin smudged with blood and smelling slightly of earth and sweat and hope. Poised for the kill that she was forced to make for her own survival. Sound familiar? She did what she had to do. And damn did she kill it. And kill it and kill it and kill it.

God, I love these chicks. That’s why I’m bringing them with me every step of the way and beyond. For fuckin-ever.